its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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