i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
