So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
