Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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