i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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