I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
