So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
