Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
