Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
