go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
