I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
