I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
