i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
