As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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