Non-Jews are for practice
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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