I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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