Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
