dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Even my vagina gasped.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The uberlube is also flammable
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
They are going to name an STD after you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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