sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
In America we eat man semen.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
