I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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