There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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