By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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