so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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