Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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