don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
