i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
