Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
