our cab driver is having phone sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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