she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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