All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
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