i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
