she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
