the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
