I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
