I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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