Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
