I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
