I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
