I just made out with a guy for $7.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
