I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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