I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
