THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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