You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
