So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
