I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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