do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
