I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
