trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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