i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
then he tried to convert me to islam
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
