Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
